Friday, November 13, 2009

Going Public

As I was washing dishes, I was thinking about how well this week of flying solo has gone. So many blessings have come. I mentioned in a previous post that I've learned the importance of getting out with the kids, but there's another thing I've learned to do: let people in.

Tuesday, Cami had a friend come play after school. Wednesday, another school friend of Cami's & her mom came over & had supper with us. That same afternoon, a friend volunteered to take Graham home with her, so each of the big kids got to do something special. And yesterday, a pair of friends spontaneous came & spent the afternoon/evening with our crew. (We grown ups splurged & had yummy fondue -- perfect for a rainy & cool Thursday night -- while the kids got a treat of fish'n'chips.)

But even without the emotional strength I find in having friends over, I think I would have survived pretty well. For one significant reason: I'm back on meds.

Growing up, I saw the effect that misapplied mood-altering drugs can have. So I resolved that that would never be a part of my life. But as a missionary, depression hit hard. I was angry with God that I could feel so awful when I was "doing the right thing." And when medication was prescribed, I didn't want to take it.

But one afternoon, I went to a private place to pray. A very simple, "Am I supposed to take medication?" with a very simple reply in the affirmative. I walked out of that room & down a stair case. Another missionary, someone I respect a lot, came up to me & asked how I was. I gave some generally positive answer, & she said, "You look happy. I haven't seen you look that way in a long time."

A few years later I learned that Cami was going to be joining our family and I went off the meds. That was almost eight years ago. I've either been growing or feeding a baby ever since. But Rose weaned recently & I'm back on the meds. And parenting doesn't seem so impossible anymore.


Sarah said...

Oh, I am so happy for you! Glad your week went well, and glad that the meds are helping. Love you!

rushton family archives said...

I'm happy for you, Starr. And so glad we found each other in blog land!

And thank you for your sweet comments. :)

Tricia said...

I'm glad you are doing well. I've been thinking of you!

Ellen Fehr said...

Thanks for sharing. I thank you for the sacrifice of the past 8 years--and grateful that now you can do what you need to do for yourself.

Starr said...

Thanks for the support, everyone. Especially Sarah, for being there at the beginning & now, & Mom for being there for the REAL beginning & now.

Anonymous said...

Starr, I honestly had no idea that you experienced depression to the extent that you needed psychoactive medication. I'm really glad that you were able to go without it while you were pregnant/nursing, and so glad that it's helping now! Either way, you're doing right by your kids and yourself.


pve design said...

Good for you to share. I love light and try to get outdoors, exercise and my art all help with lifting me up. I do hope that a voice will guide you to try a creative endeavor too. I always find that most people need that "outlet" to express themselves anytime.
Do you paint? Do you make time for any creativity?
Love to see what you do!

Marie said...

Oh Starr, I'm so glad that you are feeling happier. There is no shame in having to take meds. My own sister has struggled with depression for years and needs medication to get by and I am thankful that it is available for her. If it helps to make your life more bearable then I say great! ((((hugs)))) I love you loads and loads and pray for you and your lovely little family every day. So there!

Sacto Cat Woman said...

Starr, Congratulations on you short bout of independence and on your decision to take medications needed to make you a happier person.

Kristin said...

It's such a hard decision, isn't it? I'm so glad, for so many reasons, that we were born in the 20th century.

BTW, I have been making (and eating) sugar cookies this week, and my mind keeps fondly going back to your kitchen, which was the first time I'd ever made them.